LOST!

My photo
Sonderborg, Denmark
I'm not here at all. Consumed by the demands of life, Lost in the swirls of doom. I am a shadow that had dissapeared. All that is left is an echo, not all can hear.

Sunday, June 3, 2012

Coming back

I have neglect this space for so long, I'm wondering if it even makes sense to come back. For long I have told myself that I had no time for writing anymore.  That I have been sucked into the mundane corporate and was too busy climbing the ladder of life to find time for writing. But when you are spending an average of 6 hours a day on YouTube and another 7 sleeping, you know that's a lie.

But I have strong reasons to come back, Not just the shame and guilt I feel from reading blogs and thinking -" I used to do that too". Not just the encouragement from friends who have continued to write despite all odds. Something stronger, more intense that comes from within.

First, a quick update- I have since the last time I wrote, earned my first real salary ever.I say real, because its not my first paycheck. My first was a Rs 100 cheque from All India Radio and still remains my most prized earning :) I have moved thousands of kilometers from the only country I had ever know, traveled to 3 more, committed to marriage in the near future, gained 15 kgs, then lost 4(sigh!). Some of them, things I never thought I would do in my life.

Which brings me to why I felt the need to write again. I was attending a colleague's pre-wedding party and we got around to how and where I had met my soul mate. I was talking about things that happened about 5 years ago, stuff I hadn't talk about in a really long time. when I did talk, I felt like this was another person altogether, not me, that I was talking about.

Was it really me who had fought wars with my parents over letting me play music while I studied for an exam, Stayed up all night to write something that just could not wait until morning. I wore my elder male cousins clothes to a new year's party. Skipped a job opportunity because organizing a Rock Show was more important, devoured 4 books a week and thought the Library was unfair in not letting me borrow more.Was that really me? Or is this the real me? The one I am now. The one who hasn't really tuned in to music for over 2 years now, not picked up a pen or hand an original thought in over an year, can tell the difference between men's and women's sneakers, thought only about my career for an whole year now, had about 6 half-read books in her room that just might not be touched again.

I dare add that I am very happy in where I am in life. (which is kind of scary. Low standards, anybody?) Really, I am doing things that make me happy and am looking forward to so much more in life. But it is also true that I miss parts of my old self. A healthy balance of the old and new wouldn't hurt anyone. Would it?

So here I am at 3:20 in the morning, music blaring in the background, and a new post. Does being slightly drunk and very hungry have a hand in it, I wonder! I guess this is what they call growing up(really??? I am not so sure about the slightly drunk part now) Then again, maybe, maybe I am just high on life...

That's always a good thing. ain't it? :)


P.S: I hereby take upon myself a vow to continue writing here.Also I hope get better at this stuff. Therez limits to how long anybody can take all this super sentimental brain dumping on blogosphere! Right?

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